Sunday, February 22, 2015

Magnum Thrax has a five star average review rating on!

Okay, it only has one review.

It's a great one though, and warms the cold cockles of my cruel heart. Someone enjoyed the book, and that, somehow makes it all worthwhile. Never mind the vast sums of coffee money it has generated, the ten bucks means nothing to me.

But saying Magnum Thrax and the Amusement Park of Doom (A SEO name drop, naturally) has one positive review just sounds kind of, oh, I don't know–needy. Far better to say it has the much coveted and highly prestigious five star average rating. Because marketing. Disingenuous hyperbole is what makes it professional sounding. And this is a shameless hype machine of a blog, unburdened by advertising rules and regulations and truth and all that nasty stuff that keeps us from embellishing our accomplishments with thick layers of lies and fabulist exaggerations. And what is a novel, if not the work of a fabulist?

Besides, the five star average may not last long, and like the Dodo may never be seen again (despite all the devout effort of de-extinctionists everywhere), so I better capitalize on the opportunity and shout it from the virtual rooftop of an unread blog in the middle of the great internet wastelands.

Or is it presumptuous of me to assume that my blog is in the middle?

It could be coveted real estate.

Perhaps there are other worthy unread blogs that are competing for pride of place in the middle of nowhere. If so, let me just reassure you that there's enough room in the emptiness for all of us. Let us draw warmth from each other and our outrageous dreams.

I took a screenshot to capture the five star average for all eternity:

They say one should never respond to a review, positive or negative, so I will say nothing but that I am going to raise a glass filled with an alcoholic beverage and drink all of it while thinking of the unmentionable.

I will say no more.

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